The celebration of our 35th anniversary this year was bitter sweet- one that put me into an emotional tailspin this past June. We planned to go out to eat early in the week while Dana was down in Cookeville seeing the cardiologist the week of our anniversary. Dana had been having mini strokes, but it wasn't until after Dana was away from the house that it really struck me how bad the latest one had hit him.
When we came out of the doctor's office and was walking to our car, Dana asked me where I was going, and then when I opened up our car door he asked, "Is this our car?" To my horror I realized that Dana didn't recognize our car that we had for several years. Then on the way to the restaurant where we planned to eat, Dana started giving me mixed up directions- making me more confused as before this Dana knew the streets of Cookeville like the back of his hand having driven them so much taking people to the doctor and hospital- so I would automatically do what he said only to realize that we missed a major turn really stressing me out as I still am not used to driving in a lot of traffic.
Then when we got to the restaurant, Dana acted disoriented and confused- something that really put me into a tailspin as the restaurant we had chosen was one we often went to whenever we went out to eat over the years traveling. I tried not to hover over Dana as he already had lost so much control of his life so I let him go up to the food bar by himself keeping one eye on him to make sure that he would be able to find our table while I tried to eat and act like nothing out of the ordinary was happening. After grabbing a plate for Dana whenever he went up to the food bar as he would forget, our waitress asked me how she could help. I briefly told her the situation and she told me to sit and eat while she would watch over Dana. Dana was so pleased to do something by himself that I didn't want to ruin it for him. Seeing how truly helpless and confused Dana had become was heartbreaking. It was a relief to me when we finally headed back home.
Dana loved to buy me roses for our anniversary, but after our 25th anniversary I told Dana to wait and not buy me any more roses until our 50th. Over our anniversary meal when I mentioned how many years we had left until our 50th one, Dana looked at me very seriously and said that he would never live to our 50th wedding anniversary like we both had promised each other to do when we were married.
A couple of days later, when Dana was feeling more like himself, he called the local florist and ordered thirty-five roses for me for Saturday on our anniversary. When Dana came and told me I was so shocked- battling my dismay by covering it up with a big smile for Dana- knowing that the reason Dana had ordered me roses this year was to make sure I would have roses because he felt he wouldn't be alive later.
Saturday feeling like an emotional wreck and teary eyed, I drove to town to pick up my roses and pay for them as Dana couldn't drive. The roses were so beautiful! It was such a romantic gesture and one that Dana loved to do, yet I feverently hoped that these would not be the last flowers that I would get from Dana. I wore my 25th anniversary dress that Sunday and had Dwight take a picture of me with the roses while Dana beamed so proud of himself.
Today Dana doesn't remember anything about going out to eat for our anniversary- that evening after we got home Dana couldn't remember what we had done that day. But when I ask Dana if he remembers anything about our anniversary he remembers the roses. With his increasingly loss of memory as long as Dana can remember the roses and who I am, I remain hopeful.
